why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
