I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
