Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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