Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
