1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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