How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
