there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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