God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
