Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
