You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
