Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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