dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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