I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
