hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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