Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
