If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
