so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
