yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
