I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
