Already got asked if we're dating
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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