He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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