I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
