Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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