turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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