I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
