I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
