If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
