I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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