Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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