your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
