You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
