I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
