i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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