I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
