who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
