Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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