Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
