the condom got lost in my hair
you would pick up someone in the library
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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