dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
