dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
