They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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