i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
