I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I want to fling myself into the sun
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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