im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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