WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
