from now on my penis is your penis
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
