I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
