Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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