You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
