im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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