How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
