then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm both gender and math confused
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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